I’ve been struggling with my future lately.
I love being home with my boys. It’s challenging, but there’s no place I’d rather be.
I have this desire to do more, be more, accomplish more. But I don’t know what that looks like or how to find the path to get there.
One of the speakers that works for Dave Ramsey (and now I can say ‘who works with Damien!’) is Jon Acuff. I recently read his book Start and it rocks. It talks about chasing your dreams and living a life of awesome. And that you just need to start now. You don’t have to have it all figured out, you just have to start working for it. Now.
I’m so excited to start doing something and I’ve spent some time figuring out what I want to do. I love teaching and helping people and I have a passion for all things birth, breastfeeding, and health. I’ve played around with ideas like doula, lactation consultant, and health coach. Those are all great and I think that whichever one i pursue I will do well at.
But here’s the thing. I have a two year old and a ten month old. It means the world to me that God has blessed us and I am able to stay home. I truly enjoy watching my boys learn and grow. But I would be lying if I didn’t feel like I wasn’t accomplishing anything. I know that’s not true. I know I am investing my time and energy into my boys. So why does it feel like I’m ‘doing nothing’?
Why do I feel like I have to be doing something, anything else to find this elusive sense of worth? Or, on the flip side: if I’m not doing something else than why don’t I have a Pinterest worthy house while doing ridiculously creative things with the boys everyday and cooking elaborate meals each night? I know these are silly, but why are those voices so loud?
And at what point do I get to work toward other things?
Ultimately, I know that God will point the way. He has been so present in our lives and has opened doors for us that we never could have imagined (We live in Nashville! Damien works for Dave!), but that doesn’t make contentment easier to obtain. My prayer is that God would give me that peace and contentment and use this time with my boys to teach me to rely on Him for all of my heart’s desires.